Why Women Give Men Bad Dating Advice

November 29

Guys, you know what I’m talking about. Out of all the dating advice you have received from women, none or almost none have been useful. Ladies, I’m sure you know of men who followed the advice of their mother and female friends and did not come  even close to charming the woman of their dreams.

Advice like “be nice, bring her flowers, be respectful” sounds logical when inspected in vacuum. When you take into account the full spectrum of human affairs, it doesn’t take long to see that there is more going on than meets the eye. These pieces of advice deserve their own blog post explaining how and why they fall short of the mark.

However, this time we won’t go into that. To get you introduced with how our sexual differences affect us in ways we don’t even think of, we start with the reasons why women give such bad dating advice for men.

Useless advice – on purpose or not?

Intuition suggests that women might give bad dating advice to men on purpose. It is not uncommon to read news about groups of women lobbying for the whole of society adopting a certain kind of morale or even a law that dictates appropriate behavior. Trying to reach the same results by advising individuals to behave in a certain way would be a less time-consuming way to reach the same goal.

However, this does not seem to be the case. In the research results we have gone through not a single piece of evidence supported this theory. There is reason to believe the reasons are far more subtle and unconscious.

Four most common reasons for bad advice

Not all dating advice that women give men is useless, but most of it yields little benefit for men. This is not for any one good reason, but for four:

  1. Women’s initial attraction arises from different things than which  make them want to keep a man for life. For example self-respect and a strong social presence can be so attractive at first that even a hopeless egoist can be considered charming. When women think about a long-term relationship, they place more value on attributes like how considerate and caring they perceive the guy to be.
  2. Women are typically unaware of what makes them initially attracted to a man. Their thinking is concentrated on selecting a long-term companion, and initial attraction happens through intuition. It does not fully register into conscious thought.
  3. The most common challenge for men is something women have typically no need to think about. The social preference is for a man to go to talk to a woman. When this happens, the woman already knows the man is interested (Laasanen 2008, 25). While men sweat over how to start the discussion, women need only to react.
  4. Women’s preferences vary greatly. This is true especially in how and how often they get sexually aroused. The differences between women in this matter can be so vast that they have trouble understanding even each other (Kinsey 1948). Even if a woman could tell a man how to charm her, the chances are that most other women would not be attracted to the same signals.

Posted by on 29.11.2010 in sex and society


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